Never once have I tried to say that gender roles don’t exist. Nor have I said that either women or men are all good or all bad. Toxic masculinity does not stand for the proposition that men are toxic while women are not. It stands for the proposition that toxic behaviors — especially behaviors that work violence against women, or which bully others — are considered within the bounds of what is expected of manhood, and therefore get excused (the “boys will be boys” thing.) The reason “toxic femininity” isn’t really a thing is because women who engage in behaviors considered harmful to men or to anyone are socially punished. They are actually considered “UN-feminine” and therefore unworthy of society’s protection. Women don’t have to actually DO the behaviors, because the accusation is usually enough to sap her of any social power. They are not the same, because they do not get treated the same. Tolerating and even vaunting male toxicity as just the price society pays for men being men is bullshit. Manhood does not have to tolerate or excuse toxic behavior, and it’s surprising to me how many men would rather be offended at the people who believe they are capable of being better as opposed to being pissed off at the men whose toxic behavior makes them all look bad.

A believer in magic and justice and the right to be exactly as you are. Anything passing for wisdom here is likely the product of surviving my own stupidity.

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