In a year where cruel irony seems to be a constant theme, and the emphasis seems to be increasingly on the cruel part, the cycle of pagan holidays feels less like a wheel and more like one of those tilt-a-whirl carnival rides. The ones where you used to make sure you went on them *before* you had the funnel cake. Unless, of course, you wanted to ask your best friend to hold your hair back while you emptied your stomach with much greater speed than…